How to Co-parent after Separation or Divorce?

Separation or divorce can be difficult for any parent or child which is challenging transitions a family will ever face. Alongside managing your own feelings of grief, anger or confusion, you also have to help your child adapt to a new sense of normal. Learning how to co-parent effectively can make that process smoother and provide your child with a consistent, nurturing environment, even when parents live apart. Learning how to adjust to a new ‘normal’ can be challenging, especially where there is conflict present. This blog will provide separated parents with practical tips on how to effectively co-parent.

Co-parenting is rarely easy, especially when there’s lingering conflict or hurt between ex-partners. But with patience, structure and a child-focused mindset, it’s possible to build a cooperative partnership that supports your child’s emotional wellbeing and stability.

This guide will walk you through what co-parenting really means, why it matters, and practical strategies for making it work in everyday life.

What is Co-parenting?

Co-parenting refers to an arrangement where both parents share responsibility for raising their child after separation or divorce. Both parents will share duties including decisions about where the child will live and how much time they will spend with each parent. It usually involves joint decision-making around key areas such as living arrangements, education, healthcare and emotional development. Successful co-parenting requires more than simply dividing time, it’s about maintaining communication, mutual respect and a shared commitment to your child’s best interests. Co-parenting can be challenging where there is hurt and anger between two parents, especially as it involves consistent interaction. However, the best approach to co-parenting is one that is child focussed. This will help avoid your child feeling that they are in the middle of ongoing arguments or reflecting any negative behaviours.

Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting

Not every post-separation relationship looks the same. In some situations, particularly those involving high conflict, safety concerns or very different communication styles, parallel parenting may be more suitable than co-parenting.

In co-parenting, parents communicate regularly, attend events together where possible, and coordinate decisions to provide consistency for the child. In parallel parenting, communication is minimised and each parent takes responsibility for their own household rules and routines, with clear boundaries to prevent conflict.

Choosing the right approach depends on your circumstances. For most families, co-parenting works well when both parents can communicate respectfully and prioritise the child. Where conflict or emotional distress remains high, parallel parenting can provide breathing space while still ensuring children have relationships with both parents.

Why Child-Focused Co-Parenting Matters?

At the heart of co-parenting is one simple truth, your child’s wellbeing comes first. After a separation, children can experience confusion, sadness, or even guilt about the changes in their family. How parents handle this transition has a lasting impact on their emotional security and future relationships.

A child-focused approach means shifting attention away from the conflict between adults and toward what your child needs to feel safe, loved, and supported. It’s about creating stability through cooperation, not competition. When children witness respectful communication between parents, they learn that love and care can continue even when relationships change.

Maintaining consistency between homes, shared routines, similar expectations, and predictable schedules, helps children feel grounded. But perfection isn’t required. What matters most is that both parents reassure their child that they are loved, that the separation is not their fault, and that it’s okay to talk about their feelings openly.

7 Practical Strategies for Successful Co-Parenting

Effective co-parenting isn’t about perfection it’s about creating a supportive, cooperative rhythm that puts your child’s wellbeing first. While every family’s situation is unique, certain principles can make shared parenting smoother, reduce conflict, and foster stability for your child. The following five strategies offer practical, evidence-based ways to navigate life after separation with empathy, structure, and respect.

1. Preparing a co-parenting agreement

Formalising your parenting arrangement can be useful to help you organise the way you will co-parent your child. You can write this independently, or seek guidance from a family dispute resolution practitioner, mediator or family relationship counsellor. A co-parenting agreement should address issues including:

• The time spent with each parent including living arrangements and a contact or visitation schedule;
• The percentages of financial responsibility each parent has;
• Education plans;
• The child’s medical needs and emergency contacts;
• Arrangements for holidays or special events;
• Back-up arrangements in case plans change for example, if one parent moves house or changes jobs; and
• Dispute resolution and decision-making guidelines.

2. Determine the best way to communicate with the other parent

It is important to agree on the best way to communicate with the other parent and the frequency of this communication. A helpful option is to use a co-parenting app like MyMob and Divvito, with features like a shared calendar to share your child’s weekly schedule, appointments and important events like parent-teacher interviews or school presentation days. Some parents may find that it is easier to be less structured and experiment with different ways of communicating with the other parent. For example, you may find that emails could be the best method of communicating for everyday matters, but text messages can be used in emergencies. 

Over time, it may become easier to discuss arrangements in person. It will be beneficial for your child to see both parents communicating respectfully, as it will help them adjust to and feel better about the circumstances. It is important that you embrace flexibility, as a lack of flexibility can negatively impact the wellbeing of your child. For example, your child may prefer to stay at the other parents’ house if there is a special event on.

3. Encourage your child to have a relationship with the other parent

The Family Law Act 1975 emphasises a child’s right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents, provided it’s safe and appropriate to do so. Encouraging and supporting this relationship is one of the most important responsibilities of a co-parent. Whilst it can be challenging, it is important to facilitate your child’s relationship with their other parent. This means you should avoid focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship with your ex-partner and focus on seeing them as the child’s other parent who they love and have a relationship with. Facilitating this relationship could occur by encouraging your child to contact the other parent when in your care, and by showing a positive interest as to what they are doing when in the other parent’s care. It is important to let your child know they are loved equally by both parents and can talk with you about the other parent without fear or guilt.

Simple gestures can make a big difference. Encourage your child to communicate freely with the other parent, attend special events, and share experiences from both homes. Avoid using your child as a messenger or involving them in adult disputes. These behaviours not only protect their emotional wellbeing but also demonstrate responsible parenting in the eyes of the court.

4. Accept different parenting styles

After separation, parents often find their approaches to discipline, routines, or lifestyle differ more noticeably. In Australian law, parents are generally free to make day-to-day decisions about their child’s care while the child is in their household, unless otherwise specified in a court order or parenting plan. The parenting style of your child’s other parents may change after separation. This may make it difficult to reach agreements about their care. However, it is important to distinguish between your preferences and the needs of your child. This means issues relating to safety and wellbeing should be agreed upon for example, sticking to the same bed time routine or taking prescribed medication.

The key is to agree on fundamental matters that affect your child’s welfare such as education, health, and safety while allowing room for personal style in smaller issues. Where differences begin to cause conflict, it’s advisable to return to your parenting plan or mediation before letting disputes escalate. The courts prefer parents to resolve issues collaboratively wherever possible.

Focusing your mindset on your child’s needs will help reduce conflict and also allow your child to understand that different rules can apply in different situations.

5. Remember that your child is a child

It is important to remember why you are co-parenting to ensure your child has a warm and a loving relationship with both of their parents. This means you should solely focus on their needs and avoid unnecessary conflict with the other parent. It is important that you take time to listen to your child’s feelings about the situation. Let them know that it is ok to feel stressed and angry, without deflecting blame at the other parent. Parents are more likely to cooperate if they are both committed to understanding the situation from their child’s perspective. Your child is still a child. Ensure that you avoid using them as a way of communicating with your ex-partner as it is distressing. It is also important to avoid discussing adult issues around them like court proceedings, child support or other financial arrangements. It is better to use your own support network to discuss these issues. Maintaining as much normality as possible will enhance stability, security and happiness for your child.

6. Managing Conflict and Emotions Constructively

Conflict is a natural part of separation, but how it’s managed can significantly affect both your child’s wellbeing and the overall co-parenting relationship. Under Australian family law, parents are encouraged, and often required, to resolve disputes through Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) before turning to the courts. This process promotes communication, cooperation, and the development of child-focused solutions without escalating tension.

Managing conflict constructively starts with recognising emotional triggers and learning to respond rather than react. Avoid revisiting old grievances, and instead, keep discussions centred on your child’s needs. If communication becomes heated, take a break and revisit the issue later, or use a neutral third party (like a mediator) to help guide discussions.

Practical tip: Communicate in writing when issues are sensitive. A short, factual email helps keep discussions clear, documented, and less emotionally charged than verbal exchanges.

Family courts look favourably on parents who demonstrate calm, child-centred decision-making. By managing your emotions and maintaining respectful communication, you not only protect your child’s sense of security, you also strengthen your credibility should any formal parenting dispute arise in future proceedings.

7. Taking Care of Your Own Wellbeing

Separation and co-parenting can be emotionally exhausting. Balancing legal processes, communication with your ex-partner, and your child’s adjustment often leaves parents feeling depleted. Yet, under family law principles, the best interests of the child are closely linked to the wellbeing of their caregivers, meaning that your mental and emotional health directly impacts your capacity to parent effectively.

Prioritising self-care isn’t indulgent; it’s responsible. Seek emotional support through friends, family, or professional counseling. Parenting programs and workshops offered by Family Relationship Centres, Relationships Australia, or private counsellors can provide valuable guidance.

If co-parenting becomes particularly stressful, consider speaking with a family lawyer or psychologist to develop coping strategies and clarify your legal options.

Note: Demonstrating a proactive, balanced approach to your own wellbeing shows that you’re taking your parenting role seriously, something courts consider when assessing a parent’s ability to provide a stable environment.

Remember, children benefit most from parents who can regulate their emotions, communicate calmly, and model resilience. Taking care of yourself helps ensure you can continue taking care of them.

Conclusion

Co-parenting after separation or divorce isn’t a single decision, it’s an ongoing process that evolves as your child grows. Even with the best intentions, there will be moments of frustration, misunderstanding, or emotional fatigue. What matters most is maintaining a long-term perspective: keeping communication respectful, focusing on solutions rather than blame, and consistently putting your child’s wellbeing at the centre of every decision.

Successful co-parenting doesn’t require you and your former partner to be friends; it requires you to be partners in your child’s future. Every small act of cooperation, whether it’s agreeing on a school schedule, supporting a child’s milestone, or simply exchanging information politely builds a foundation of trust and stability that your child will remember for life.

Whilst co-parenting can be a different experience for every parent, considering the tips in this blog should help you navigate the difficulties. Many of these tips are included in the Collaborative Co-Parent, a practical and compassionate guide to co-parenting written by Gabriella Pomare, Partner at the Norton Law Group. Not only does the book provide practical tips, but it combines this with professional and personal experiences. If you would like more information on how to effectively co-parent, purchase the Collaborative Co-Parent or speak with Gabriella and our helpful family law team.

Our experienced family law team in Sydney has helped hundreds of Sydney families navigate separation, parenting arrangements, and post-divorce challenges with clarity and compassion. We understand that every family’s circumstances are different, and our goal is to help you find practical, legally sound solutions that prioritise your child’s best interests.

Whether you need guidance preparing a parenting plan, formalising arrangements through consent orders, or managing a high-conflict co-parenting situation, our lawyers can provide personalised advice and representation to protect your rights and support your child’s wellbeing.